2010 Maybe?

So we'll have to try again next month. My cramps this month were pretty bad but last month I don't remember being in ANY pain. This month my period and cramps came when Jason had to fly out of town last minute but somehow I managed. I just wish I didn't have to "manage." I wish I could be a normal woman who gets her period, doesn't have to worry about staining anything she sits on and doesn't worry about how to get out of bed due to the pain. For that to happen though, I'll have to give up my ovaries and uterus.

A friend of mine found out that she has breast cancer. She's my age! She's 27 years old.

Anyway, this got me thinking about what I would do if I were ever told the words, "you have breast cancer." Or rather, it got me thinking about what I'd like to THINK I'd do given the situation.

Personally I think I'd tell the doctor right then and there that they needed to remove both breasts, no matter their recommendation and I'd get falsies put in. I don't know why, but I don't think I'd feel ANY less of a woman for not having my real breasts. However, I feel as if my life would be over if I didn't have my ovaries or uterus. Even though it's my reproductive organs that are causing me so much pain. I suppose I'm grateful for the fact that even though my reproductive organs aren't working the way they are INTENDED to work, at least I still have them? I guess it goes back to having that sliver of hope.

So...there will be no 2009 baby. I've got another 12 months to somehow make a 2010 baby. Here's to trying!

Ehh...

I don't know what's going on this month. Sorry about the visual, but we had sex like bunny rabbits during my fertile time and I KNOW I ovulated, thanks to using the OPK's but my temps have been all over the place this entire month. We're talking up, down, up, down. Literally. There is no rhyme or reason for my temps and I've taken a pg test already, which was of course very early and it obviously came back negative (or else I think the title of this post would be something a lil more than "Ehh"). Oddly enough, I'm not really upset this month. Weird. This month, I don't know what it is...maybe the fact that I've had absolutely NO signs. NO hope. See...I'm starting to think that this No Hope thing could work out in my emotional favor. The less hope you have in something, the less it hurts when it doesn't happen.

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